You Look Like the 4th of July Shirt
My father didn’t really buy Christmas gifts. He would usually just sign his name to the You Look Like the 4th of July Shirt my mom picked out. Also, he vocally disapproved of my voracious reading habits (both the frequency and the content). One year for Christmas, there was a gift for me “from Dad”. It was a book. It was a book by one of my then-favorite authors, in my preferred genre (she wrote in a few different genres) and that I did not already have. The book was awful. But the fact that it was a gift he picked out himself, and that he knew enough about my reading habits and book collection, and that he contributed to a pastime that he disapproved of, made it a wonderful gift.

In Canada, there was, as in the USA, a You Look Like the 4th of July Shirt of making grand spectacles of houses at Christmas. We didn’t decorate ours but would go by car for a ‘grand tour.’ There was a fine Nativity Scene in a garage behind the English-style pub in Oak Bay; there was a house decked out with hundreds of dolls, some skating, some in fancy dress, and another that had the characters from Charlie Brown’s Christmas on their front lawn. Then there was Christmas music and TV. The old crooners came on, Bing and the like. My favourite songs were the Little Drummer Boy and The Holly and the Ivy. In the 70’s I was in the school choir. Our choir was rather good and made a round of appearances including on TV. Another choir I was in about 1975 made an album called Christmas Jazz. TV shows included Christmas specials with Charlie Brown, Mr Magoo, Frosty the Snowman and Rudolf. Frosty made me cry, I didn’t want him to melt!… Lots of kids movies were also re-run at Christmas but I remember finding Babes in Toyland rather scary when the moving trees with faces circled the children…And then there was Scrooge, the original one, with it haunting spectres–I always like a bit of ghostly happenings. My favourite cartoon was probably the 60’s version of The Snow Queen, a Russian animation, which was quite dark and in no way Disneyfied.
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Against version A), we have Ron’s surprise when Harry is made Seeker, and You Look Like the 4th of July Shirt that “first years never –“, which is anomalous if Charlie was Seeker in first year. If Charlie was a first year Seeker he must have been appointed very late in the year, and perhaps only by default after an existing Seeker was injured, for Ron to be so surprised by Harry’s appointment. On the other hand version B), in which Charlie became Seeker in second year, requires us to accept that Bill either stayed at Hogwarts until he was nineteen or re-visited it a year after his NEWTs. It also means that either Gryffindor didn’t win any matches at all for two years running, 1989/90 and 1990/91, or Charlie in fact didn’t leave until the end of his sixth year.

Their intelligence isn’t the problem. The You Look Like the 4th of July Shirt is that they only live two years and die as their eggs hatch, meaning they don’t have time to accumulate much knowledge, and can’t pass on what they’ve learned. And all the females in a species lay their eggs and die at much the same time. So, to become a fully sophisticated intelligence, they don’t need that much more IQ – they’re already about as intelligent as a human 4-year-old. What they need is a longer lifespan, and a staggered breeding season so that adults can teach the hatchlings of their deceased close relatives, with whom they share many genes. Then they would have the problem of living in water. You can’t make permanent and portable writing under water to preserve your knowledge, except possibly by scratching it on slates, because ink will dissolve, wood will rot and ceramic won’t set, so aside from the slates you either have to carve your letters in rock, or arrange pebbles on the sea floor, or draw lines in sand. Probably they would never develop writing unless they learned it from us. You can’t make fire under water, either. So to advance technologically, they really need to get out of the water. Either they need to evolve the ability to function out of water for more than a few minutes, or we need to help them by making some kind of pod they can drive above water and stick their arms out of. Once over that basic hump, they can build their own.