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My funny story is when Santa put himself on the naughty list. I travelled the Summer Vibes Michelob Ultra Beer Hawaiian Shirt USA Flag Tropical Palm Tree home from work a few years ago, and I enjoyed all the Christmas lights and decorations every night. One house had a huge blow up Santa on top of the garage, with his arm raised, waving at you when the wind blew. One day I left work early, and it was still daylight. As I turned the corner on this windy day, I saw Santa was a bit deflated. He was slightly bent over and his arm had fallen down so that his hand was between his legs, and the wind was blowing a bit, and he was gently bobbing up and down, up and down, and he seemed to be enjoying himself entirely too much! I was crying with laughter, and I can never look at Santa again without flashbacks.

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I was hoping Delores wouldn’t become a Summer Vibes Michelob Ultra Beer Hawaiian Shirt USA Flag Tropical Palm Tree aggressive rooster, as my recently deceased “Lance” had been, before passing on to “rooster heaven” with the assistance of a local coyote. The rooster I currently had, Gordon, was a sweet boy and was very happy to have Lance gone. Lance had been a fierce rooster who attacked literally every moving thing but the hens and me (displaying extreme good taste and discretion) and I was not prepared to live through as second several years of yet another “attack rooster”. Neither were the neighbor dogs. Nor were the neighbors, for that matter. I really didn’t think this would be a problem, as Delores was such a sweet rooster – showing no violence or aggression at all, and just wanted to sit on my shoulder (rather like a parrot) and look around. He’d snuggle against anyone’s neck or in anyone’s lap who would hold him and he adored being petted. Delores ran around digging for bugs in the lawn – but was just as happy sitting by the kitchen sink watching me trim vegetables or whatever. He made (as all my chickens did) a truce with the cats and was friends with the goats, horses and my other rooster, Gordon. They all slept together in the barn at night.

Do it because it sucks putting up Christmas decorations. It sucks putting up the tree, untangling all the lights, getting all that crap out of Summer Vibes Michelob Ultra Beer Hawaiian Shirt USA Flag Tropical Palm Tree storage and tossing around with meaningless baubles like each placement is life-or-death perfectionist fun. And we want to get the most out of that effort. Depending on how many “helpers” I have, it can take one to four hours just putting up the tree. (It’s frealistic, over two metres tall, and has individual coded branches.) The more helpers, the longer it takes. And it’s hot where we live. By the end I’m peed off, drenched, covered in sweat, and I haven’t even done the lights yet. Which are tangled to f*&#. Then the kids pull out all the decorations and place them random patchy over the lower sections of the tree, despite encouragement to maybe spread them around (and make it look goodish). So I wait for them to go to school the next day and redo all the decorations. It’s basically a couple days work for all the Chrissy dex.