You’re hurt, but you’ve still got a lot of Josh Allen Caricature Shirt in you. You are, after all, protecting your home from these invaders. You take aim with your crossbow again, and nail the human in the shoulder. It’s a great shot; he’ll be unable to lift his arm now, much less draw his bow. You dodge the dwarf again, and you still can’t locate the halfling, but then the stupid, annoying elf starts chanting in some obnoxious elf language, and suddenly your well-aimed crossbow bolt magically removes itself from the human’s shoulder, and the wound closes! See, this is why you’ve always hated elves. You know when you’re outmatched, so you turn and run for your secret exit, but as you round the corner, the halfling is suddenly there, and surprises you with a dagger in the ribs. The last thing you see is her little halfling face hanging above you, smiling under a dark gray hood as your breath bubbles with blood in your chest. Your eyes close, and you hear the stupid elf chanting again. Then nothing.

Once upon a Josh Allen Caricature Shirt , there was a mom who’d never heard of this elf business, but had moved to CA from ND and had two, nearly three, kids, one of whom was a very precocious three year old. This mom had a mom, we’ll call her grandma, who had an Elf. Grandma gave the mom a rudimentary breakdown of the “Elf” game, and then gave a much more elaborate breakdown of it to the precocious three year old and his one year old brother. And so, the Elf game was begun. The rules in this household (as understood by the mom) were basically that the Elf would arrive on December 1. He’d hide somewhere in the house, watch the children all day, and report back to Santa each night, arriving again before the children awoke, hiding in a new spot, and waiting another day. On December 24, the elf would go home with Santa in his sleigh, his duty done til next year. The Elf wouldn’t be touched, or he’d turn into a doll again and no “extra special Elf gift” would be waiting with Santa’s gift that year. The children (the three year old) named their elf “Holly Jolly.” The game began and was easy, as the family lived with Grandma and Grandpa, who had a very large, very nice house with *very* high ceilings (and therefore lots of high hiding places for the elf, far from reach).
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Make your NPCs useful. Skalacon is very useful because he is, in a Josh Allen Caricature Shirt , a benefactor to the player characters. Being the Curator of Magic, he buys magic items from the players — he gives them money or gems in exchange. He trades magic items with them. One item the players decided to part with, won them a small stone keep just outside of town. The players earned a home of their own. Thank you, Skalacon. Now, let’s count them up: he is powerful, has status, and it’s beneficial to remain friends for his arcane dealings. That’s 3 things to his credit. I don’t have to worry about Skalacon getting beaten or killed by player character murder hobos. See?

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