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The Christmas before Lily and James died, Petunia had sent them a Im Here To Eat Ass And Chew Bubblegum And Im Out Of Bubblegum Shirt , into their little hidden house with their crawling son and their loyal, frightened, not-so-loyal friends. Petunia still hated her sister, flighty, fierce, beautiful Lily, who loved too hard and forgave to easy. Petunia hated the way she had always felt faded in her sister’s light and she hated the way it had killed her. This was hatred. This was love; it was something else entirely. This was a girl who was told she was not pretty, not brilliant, not magic; a girl who listened and decided that, alright then, that would have to be enough. That would have to be more than enough. That would have to be better, to be normal, to be plain and horse-toothed and to have too much neck. Her sister had left her for brighter shores and, fine then, Petunia didn’t want to follow anyway. That lived like a canker under her tongue all her life. When the little Evans family got back to their apartment with Harry’s crumpled letter in his tiny hand and Dudley’s bigger ones empty, Petunia sat them both down, in their kitchen with its weird stain on one wall and the weird musty smell, and told them they were not allowed to hate each other.

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I think what happens is that people watch television shows like Leave it to Beaver, My Three Sons or Father Knows Best and think that is the 1950s and 1960s. From my experience, those people lived like what we call the “1%” nowadays. You would have to be extremely wealthy in 1965 to afford the Im Here To Eat Ass And Chew Bubblegum And Im Out Of Bubblegum Shirt of lifestyle you see on these shows. They all also seemed to end up in Hawaii. I had relatives that were considered relatively wealthy. They couldn’t afford to go to Hawaii until the 1980s, when competition brought down airline tickets and computers at travel agencies made comparison shopping possible. Plane tickets also had to be purchased face to face. This meant driving to the airport and paying with cash. Then it was near impossible to comparison shop unless you lived in Los Angeles, New York or Chicago. Your local airport may only have one or two airlines from which to choose in the 50s and 60s. That just reminded me of another thing in the 1960s. To learn the simplest bit of information, you had to make a drive to a city with a decent sized public library. That was about 3 hours each way for us.

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Tim Allen brings Christmas Cheer with him. This trilogy of delightful Xmas movies make even the Im Here To Eat Ass And Chew Bubblegum And Im Out Of Bubblegum Shirt person smile and remember the joys of being young and looking forward to Santa Clause flying with his reindeer to each house on Christmas Eve. The first film, The Santa Clause, deals with a man, who has long disbelieved in Santa Clause- Father Christmas himself- until he is swept up and forced into being the Clause and his son becomes obbessed with Santa, despite everyone trying to tell him Santa doesn’t exist- what! The sequel, The Santa Clause 2: The Mrs. Clause, deals with Santa needing to find a Mrs. Clause or else he won’t be able to be Santa anymore! The threequel, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, deals with Jack Frost trying to take over the North Pole and become Santa himself. The trilogy is delightful, fun and perfect Christmas films for the whole family. No Christmas is complete without this film series.

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The conspiracy theories that people make fun of are the Im Here To Eat Ass And Chew Bubblegum And Im Out Of Bubblegum Shirt. Like faking the moon landings. Do you have any ideas what that would involves? You would need to film it on a sound stage, which is easy. But you also need to fake the rocket launch. You need to build the rocket, send it into space, bring the capsule back down. All without actually going to the moon. And all while the Soviet Union is watching eagle eyes, waiting for any mistake. And that’s not to mention the Apollo retro-reflectors, whose presence has been independently confirmed by observatories around the world. Faking just that part would be harder then the entire moon landing. But faking a moon landing at least has a motive. You want to win the space race. But who would want to convince everyone that the world is round instead of a flat? There’s no motive. And this is a conspiracy that would be impossible to carry out. Every scientist is lying? The entire GPS system is being faked? The Antarctic expeditions are all faked? Every airplane company is part of the conspiracy? They all have rounded windows to create the illusion of the curvature of the Earth?