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When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Cojo Stripe T Shirts . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?

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The last one is important because arguably Batman Returns is way more of a Christmas film than any of that list, including Die Hard. It begins with people exchanging “Merry Christmas” AND ends with Bruce Wayne and Alfred exchanging the line “Merry Christmas” (not to mention the word Christmas must appear like 50 times). Mistletoe is really central to the plot (“mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it”). Penguin’s origin and final showdown with Batman both take place on Christmas eve. Penguin’s origin is fraught with Christian and Jewish undertones. Two of the film’s major action set pieces take place at Gotham’s giant Christmas tree. The composer, Denny Elfman, based the film’s score on orchestral Christmas music. Penguin may have even been modeled slightly after a Cojo Stripe T Shirts of Santa Claus and the Grinch, steals the firstborn son of everyone in Gotham, and has elfen like henchmen.

