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I had a run-in with a Boston Celtics Practice Basketball NBA T Shirt at school just like Ralphie with Scut Farkus. My mom would pick us up at school. Mom was young and attractive like a movie star. This guy kept teasing me saying, “Hey RJ, how’s your sexy mom, woo hoo, so sexy.” I ignored him as long as I could. One day I snapped and ran toward him and knocked him down. I stood over him, grabbed the front of his jacket and kept lifting then batting his head against the ground. He never did it again. I had my pals I hung around with just like Ralphie. Earl, Pete, Rosie (Raymond) Jerry and Ernie. We were inseparable, all in the same class. Like Ralphie, I too had bitten into a bar of Lifebuoy soap, and it was the worst tasting soap. If my Irish, Catholic mom heard my sisters or I swear when we were little, that’s what would happen. We were never hit but we did get groundings and tasted soap. The girls especially were repeat soap tasters.

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The last one is important because arguably Batman Returns is way more of a Christmas film than any of that list, including Die Hard. It begins with people exchanging “Merry Christmas” AND ends with Bruce Wayne and Alfred exchanging the line “Merry Christmas” (not to mention the word Christmas must appear like 50 times). Mistletoe is really central to the plot (“mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it”). Penguin’s origin and final showdown with Batman both take place on Christmas eve. Penguin’s origin is fraught with Christian and Jewish undertones. Two of the film’s major action set pieces take place at Gotham’s giant Christmas tree. The composer, Denny Elfman, based the film’s score on orchestral Christmas music. Penguin may have even been modeled slightly after a Boston Celtics Practice Basketball NBA T Shirt of Santa Claus and the Grinch, steals the firstborn son of everyone in Gotham, and has elfen like henchmen.

